A plan for complete and immediate energy independence.

Captain Den Beste posts about something called biodiesel:

It represents a process whereby things like waste cooking oil and excess animal fat from slaughterhouses can be converted into a fuel which can be burned in existing diesel engines. It evidently works now.

It doesn't help. The problem here is scale. There isn't a sufficiently large source from which to make this stuff so that it could actually produce a total quantity of energy per year large enough to even begin to offset our petroleum use.

Scale? Foolish Captain, which country on this earth has the greatest amount of animal fat on the planet? We do,by a longshot. This new technology is a godsend. It will solve many many problems all at once.

The plan: Americans not only continue their bad eating habits which have led over the years to an obesity epidemic, they increase their overconsumption and continue to add pounds and pounds of fat on every man, woman and child in the country. Do we exercise that fat away? Certainly not. That fat is a national treasure. It should be collected at a nationwide network of lyposuction clinics and converted for immediate use in today's diesel engines.

To say that storage of animal fat is inefficient is absolutely terrible. I personally know one specific animal (me) whose wife says he consumes large amounts of plant products and converts all of it to fat. I am sure that there are literally millions of animals just like me willing and even anxious to do their patriotic duty.

It is also extremely misleading to state that there are only limited sources of animal fat. By God, patriotic Americans will flock to the lyposuction clinics by the millions to do their duty to attain energy independence from the vile regimes of the middle east. With the appropriate tax incentives (the fat credit) the government can provide even more incentive to get Americans to do what they already love doing anyway.

Not only will this result in energy independence, but other serious problems faced by the nation will literally melt away. High medical insurance premiums due to complications arising from obesity? As Americans attend lyposuction clinics in droves, the cost of other medical care will be reduced because the obesity epidemic will disappear.

Couch potatoes of the world, unite. Stay in front of the boobtoob. Exercise not, for, verily, your sloth is good. You might even be able to convince your wife that your patriotic sacrifice entitles you to control of the remote.